The Fear of Living…

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The Fear of Living

I don’t fear death; I fear living… too long! Some drop and are gone, others take longer to leave this world. Lingering is a fearful word in this old man’s vocabulary. Lingering often comes with losing control, as dementia sets in. Loss of memory, loss of driving privileges, loss of physical abilities to function without help all come with different levels of fear. And then there is pain. Chronic pain is very real to many, both young and old. It changes how we live and function.

I watched my father-in-law as he gradually developed Alzheimer’s disease. It was so hard to give up his keys to his car. But, not remembering where his car was parked, or how to navigate across the city of Edmonton, made driving too risky for him. When his wife developed a brain tumor, he had to move to a care facility, which involved more loss and now separation. It was extremely sad to see this happen. Even in the best of settings life was no longer memorable for him.

Fear of living on and on and out of control is my greatest fear. I try not to think about it or obsess over it, but it constantly shadows the recesses of my mind.

Living well for now

Aging brings new challenges

Life becomes fearful

*

Photo: Dwight L. Roth

Today at d’Verse, Frank Tassone asked us to think about our fears. This seems to be the season of the year when fright and fear are celebrated in some circles. Spooky ghosts and goblins are nothing compared to the real fear of living in pain or life out of control.

Thanks to my friend, David’s, post for stimulating these thoughts:

https://skepticskaddish.com/2021/10/26/silence-or-the-lambs/   

Join us at: https://dversepoets.com

Shortness of Days

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Fall brings coolness and shortness of days

Age brings awareness of life’s transient journey

I lose the invincible feeling of youth

replacing it with more time for contemplation

Lengthening shadows of night become clearer

now that I am counting time with a different clock

Reflecting on life changes // I wonder

“Will I be around in ten more years?”

“…or even next year?’

“What challenges will aging present?”

Covid-19 amplifies thoughts of life’s finality

Numbers of casualties rise and fall with the seasons

Questions of, “What if?” shadow my thoughts

Yet, life is to be lived rather than hidden away

So, until changes slow me down, I will press on

doing what makes me and others happy…

Using common sense, enjoying the blessings of life

Photo: Dwight L. Roth

The Fall Line

Rocky Mount, North Carolina is the place where the Coastal Plane meets the Piedmont. This location is called the Fall Line. It is defined by the place on the Tar River where you can no longer paddle upstream. As you can see, the Rocks emerging from the river make it impossible. The Fall Line stretches across several of the Eastern States running right through Rocky Mount. It is often marked with water falls flowing from upper level of the Piedmont to the lower level of the sandy Coastal Plane. At this point, cargo and boats had to be portaged across the falls, in order to continue the journey.

Towns grew up along the Fall Line because of the power that was gained from the river; and because this became the stopping off place for early explorers, as they traveled to the interior of the country. If you look across the river you can see Rocky Mount Mills. It was a cotton mill for many years, powered by the Tar River dam. It had its own electric generator that provided power to the machines. It is now being renovated into office space and restaurants.

Life’s flow starts smoothly

Only to find rocks waiting

Midlife marks Fall Line

Can we get past life’s challenge

Some can’t get beyond the rocks

Others rise above

Finding smoother sailing there

Whitewater ahead

Life’s wild ride

Photos: Dwigth L. Roth

Anchored

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On top of Grandfather Mountain is a long metal swinging bridge. The winds coming across the ridge create extreme stress on the bridge. In order to keep the bridge stable, there are several heavy cables anchoring the bridge to the solid granite rock below. As a result, there is little chance of damage to the bridge. As we come to the last day of 2019, it is important to remember to stay anchored in 2020! What are your anchors?

New year has arrived

Every year has challenges

Stay anchored in truth

Remember what’s important…

Family // Faith in God // and Friends

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Photos: Dwight L. Roth

 

The Edge of Inspiration

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Beyond Imagination
I have been pushed and shoved all my life
Thanks to friends who cared…
Seeing more in me than I see in myself
Learning to do more than I could ever imagine
From computers to art // writing memoirs // and poetry
Publishing books on Amazon //and writing a blog…
Things I never imagined ten years ago
Susan // Kym // and Tom
Encouraging // urging // helping me
Opening doors to new worlds of wonder
Imagination that knows no end
Wonderful friends all over the world
Communicating with me every day
Keeping me on the edge of inspiration

Photo: Dwight L. Roth
I am reposting this one again after thinking through my writing process on yesterday’s post.  I am forever thankful for friends, who I mention in my poem, who have urged me to move into the world of writing. Without their encouragement, I would not be writing this blog.
It is such a wonderful thing to be able to learn to know all of you. Your great writing and words of encouragement, given to me in your comments, keep me coming back for more. I have learned so much form all of you at the d’Verse poetry group. I am now writing poetry that I never even heard of two years ago! Thank You All!!

 

Home

IMG_1358.JPGAging has its issues. Downsizing and relocating is often part of the process. Letting go of the things we have emotional attachments to can be very stressful. In time we might discover that the reshuffling of our life has very positive results.  Smaller places mean less work. Retirement communities can provide resources that add to our life.  What happens as we await metamorphosis is up to us. Our attitude and mindset makes a big difference in that outcome.

Awaiting Metamorphosis

We wrap ourselves with strands of life

That tells our story from front to back.

A life of joy and sorrow…

All woven into that cocoon we call home.

 

Layer after layer we weave the strands.

Stories, pleasures, and memories abound

Bringing undefined feelings of love

To our ephemeral life.

 

Family and friends give life its edge.

Children and grandchildren cut deep into our souls

Embedding themselves in the fabric of our cocoon.

 

Cool crisp mornings with coffee and tea.

Birds and flowers and vines of Kiwi.

Unspeakable joy and pleasures surround

In our home cocoon we’ve so tightly wound.

 

Time to let go and break out of our shell.

Who knows what joys and pleasures we’ll tell

In transformation of mind and matter.

 

Though parting is great sorrow

There is still hope for tomorrow

Beyond this cocoon we call home.

Each new beginning

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Changes and new beginnings are a part of every stage of life. They are not necessarily a negative experience. How we deal with them and the choices we make determine whether the outcome will be positive or negative. I have found that every major move I have made has been a great learning experience. The same is true with employment. Each new job has challenges, but the rewards are worth the effort.

Each new beginning is like a hand in poker

In our new situation

We don’t want the joker

Sometimes we are happy with the hand we receive

A hand full of Aces and Kings or a winning full house

Filled with joy, happiness, and wealth

But most times our new beginnings

are in need of some tweeking

Some things need to be thrown out

While others we’ll be keeping.

New beginnings require shrewd wisdom as much as luck

Wise choices and good company

Keep us from getting stuck

While some new beginnings have been handed to us

Others take plenty of work and lots of effort

Knowing when to hold

and when to fold is always a real plus

So accept the hand your dealt

Don’t keep looking for one better

It ‘s not luck

It’s your choices that make you a winner

Few new beginnings come up all Aces