Some people tell me, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Other will say that the end justifies the means, and it will all work out in the end. The preacher tells me, “Count it all joy when you suffer.” “God is testing you!”
I am not a fan of any of the above. I have been through back surgery for two ruptured discs. I did find healing and renewed physical strength for which I am grateful. On the other hand, I went through several years of depression that let me scarred with wounds that will never heal. Being told to cheer up or it will get better was no help.
No one, it seems, has a quick fix for pain. The best help for someone who is suffering is to be there for them, in a physical sense. Skip the helpful comments, the old clichés, and religious promises, and just be present with them. Listen and feel their pain with them. In due time things may or may not work out, but what I remember most is who cared enough to be there for me.
No joy in deep pain
Words and promises fall short
Be present with me
*
Today at d’Verse, Ingrid asked us to dig deep and share a time in our life when we experienced pain. We are to write a poem that expresses how pain affected us as we went through it and hopefully came out on the other side.
Join us at: https://dversepoets.com
Painting: Dwight L. Roth
I agree with every word that you have written!
Thank you!
Joanna
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Thank you so much!
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This is so true. Support is the biggest step to healing. No judgment, no instructions. Maybe a nudge this way or that if the other really is lost. But being a friend is the most important thing. I’d like to save your painting for a future blog. May I?
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Thank you Miriam. You said it very well. Yes you are welcome to save and use the painting on your blog.
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Thank you! And … I don’t want to make you feel awkward …. but my name is Claudia. We are still best buds, though!
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Oh no! I am not doing too well, Claudia. I might have done this before… Thanks for letting me know! Must be getting old! LOL
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My husband thinks I’ve lost a bunch of my marbles, so my memory gets a little scrambled too!
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Ha ha looks like we are all in the same boat!
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The painting is stunning and I think your haibun is spot-on. I hate those cliches. They aren’t comforting or helpful; it’s much better for people to just listen rather than trying to pretend they know how to make meaning of your situation.
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Thank you so much. You said it perfectly!
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you are spot on.
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Thank you Beth! I think we all go through it at some time in our life!
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Brave soul. I now realized why my x husband said He just needed me to be there while he is battling with his gambling addiction.
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Yes, less is more in that case!
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Yes Dwight. Just being there for someone is all that is needed in those dark times. ☺️💕
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Thank You Christine. When you have been through it you understand!
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So honest and human. 💗 A powerful message.
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It bugs me when people try to make pain like its all ok and nothing to worry about. It is not that way!
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Your message is an important one. One person can not remove another’s pain, but just being there can help the one suffering, feel less alone.
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Yes, you are exactly right. I like how you said it!
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I thought about your words today, when I was with someone dealing with pain. Thank you.
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Thank you for sharing this! I hope it was helpful!
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Yes, very much. 😊 Your words reminded me to be present, listen, and do my best to understand.
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That is so good! I am sure your friend appreciated that you were there.
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Dwight, I can hear the courage and the honesty in your words. So sorry to hear you went through those things and also glad to hear there were people beside you along the way.
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Thanks Lisa That was quite awhile ago. Amazing how things stick with you!
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Yes. It’s like the memory cache gets tucked away somewhere in our psyche…
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An important reminder.
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Thank you Selma!
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Yes, physical pain often does lead to emotional pain, such as depression, and having someone be there and listen is such a blessing. Loved the raw honesty in the haibun!
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I’m pleased you made it out the other side, Dwight. Emotional pain may be invisible, but it can leave deep scars. And people telling us to pull our socks up and get on with it is not helpful at all! I battled with depression from my teens right up to a few years back. It’s a much brighter perspective once you come through.
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Yes, it is difficult to make it through, but with the help of friends and counselors it can be done. But as you say the scars still remain. Thank you so much for your comments.
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Dwight, this is a fantastic message, and poem. I completely agree with you. Being present with people is a blessing. Thank you for sharing this wise post.
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In our fast pace world being there means only a post on Facebook, it seems. Very sad. Thank you so much for your comment!
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You’re most welcome. Always!
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Such a touching haiku! How true it is- sometimes just to be there next to someone and to be heard is the most you can ask for. People these days who have “no time” for anything other than to say “cheer up, we all go through this phase” do not understand enough. No joy in pain indeed. Thanks for this post!
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Haibun*
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Short prose and a haiku!
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Got it! 😁
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I appreciate your thoughtful comment! You are exactly right… Some even put others down for feeling bad. “Oh, you shouldn’t feel that way!
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Oh, yeah, the culture of toxic positivity!
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Very sound advice – and a perfect pictorial metaphor
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Thank you so much Derrick!
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I agree that the old platitudes and cliches are no help when someone is suffering. They usually have the opposite effect of trivializing the pain someone is going through.
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This is so true! All they need is a friend… not admonitions!
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In some instances, I think people really are trying to help. They just don’t realize the harm they’re doing.
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That is true. This often happens when there is a death in the family!
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You’re right about that.
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Your Haiku tells it all. I could not agree more. Platitudes are not appreciated.
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Thank you Jan! Sometimes less is more, and this is one of those times.
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Stunning painting, Dwight, and your haibun is full of wisdom.
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Thank you Eugi! This painting seemed to fit with the feelings I had as I wrote this prompt.
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Most welcome, Dwight!
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Agreed. Platitudes serve only so far when true support is what is needed.
Your painting is a perfect fit for your words, Dwight, as if showing a tortured route to reach a goal.
Is there a story behind the painting, itself?
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No story behind the painting. I wanted to do a simple abstract. I did three of them together each in a different color. The stories are in the haibun. Thanks for your comment and thanks for asking!
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Its true what you wrote, its quite easy to tell someone it will be okay or give them false promises that things will turn out right untill you are the one going through it all.
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You are right… no one knows the outcome and speculation does not seem to help!
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It really doesnt.
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I think rewards are delayed and strength shows itself in the places you never expected. I hate pain. Someone present with you. Yes, most helpful when they have no words. I have stories.
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Thank you Mary. I think we all could tell some stories!
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So true, Dwight! You said it.
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Thank you very much!
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You are welcome.
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Great post Dwight! ❣️
To be with someone in pain is such a gift which isn’t always easy but soooo helpful. 💖
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Yes, I believe you are exactly right! Thanks Cindy!
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I know well the gift of someone’s presence.. Hugs Dwight❣️
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Thank you Cindy and back to you as well!
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Awww thanks 🙏
Received -:)❤️
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Dwight,
Heartfelt and direct. We fail each other when we fail to be present in each other’s lives.
pax,
dora
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Yes that is very true Dora. Something that we can force others to do. It has to be their gift to us.
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I empathise fully Dwight, Many years ago, I had months off work with the same injury. In the end I avoided the back surgery and all is well these days. It was my patient and loving family that got me through. They knew exactly how to be “present with me”. Very well articulated.
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True words. Silent support is best when sorting the chaos.
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Yes for sure… Thank you Astrid!
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I empathize fully, Dwight and agree that “the best help for someone who is suffering is to be there for them, in a physical sense.”
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Thank you Sanaa. I believe that is the way it is.
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Good point. There is nothing you can say to alleviate real pain, just a hug
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So true! Thank you.
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Well said
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Thank you!
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There cannot be any joy in physical pain… but still some manage to use it for art and share it with others… maybe that lessens the pain.
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You are right! My wife lives with chronic pain everyday. She stays busy in spite of it and says it helps to distract from it.
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Yes, presence is indeed needed in times like these
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Yes it is!
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I think you got it exactly right, Dwight! There is no joy in pain. Well expressed in your poem.
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I agree with you… none what so ever!
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Wow! Thank you so much for sharing! I heard you in full on this. I am only 43 yo and have 5 ruptured discs in my cervical and thoracic spine, but because of early onset osteoporosis there isn’t a damn thing anyone can do for me. I’ve been “dealing” with it over 7 years. I wrote a poem recently about it, called This Pain. The depression spiral is real, dark and deep, as I’ve spent most of those years alone, because who the hell wants to be around someone in so much pain that has all but given up? And words are nothing but words, actions are what count. I am very happy you have people in your life proving without words your need and worth, you deserve it! 🖤~Kris
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Thank you, Kris, for sharing this heartfelt comment! I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through. Finding friends who really care is very difficult. I am so sorry for your pain and hope you can somehow find relief.
dwight
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Thank you so much Dwight. I recently moved across the country to be closer to family, and I have a couple of great friends that are there to always listen. So it has gotten better. Plus I have a great team of doctors now that have sparked a little hope in my world, so fingers crossed and a lot of work on my part and I’ll be on the mend. Your honesty in your post was a bright light for me in not giving up, so again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. 🖤~Kris
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You are so very welcome Kris. I hope they can find a way to alleviate your ruptured discs and your pain. Thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully it will help others as well.
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That so true!!
Do visit my blog and kindly share with others
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Your poem truly justifies what you said about pain. 💜
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Thank you so much for your kind affirmation!
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True! Words provide barely any relief from pain. I can understand what you mean. Last year, I developed pain in my right hand which was diagnosed as CRPS(Complex Regional Pain Syndrome). Life changed since then. I can’t do half the things I enjoyed previously. The only constant thing now is pain. Thanks God, for a loving husband who always there for me.
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Thank you for sharing you story. That sounds very painful. I am glad you have your husband’s support!
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Good one
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Thank you!
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I totally identify with your pain. Being used to pain in my lower spine , also seeing my dad go through multiple surgeries – I can totally feel your post. Awesome piece !!
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Thank you so much! Sorry to hear of your suffering.
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You are welcome my friend !
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I have infact written a piece about pain and how I am drawn to it even when I don’t want it – do read!
https://appamprawns.wordpress.com/2021/12/09/pain-in-parts/
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