“Helen, where are you! When are you coming home. I miss you, please…let me know when you return. I will be down in Bruce’s room watching Wheel of Fortune.”
Paul wrote these notes carefully and neatly on the back of the napkin he brought back from the dinning room. His mind smoky, his focus clouded, he thought to himself, “Reading what I have just written, I now believe she may be gone for good.” His mind soon clouded again as he leaned back in his recliner.
In the time since he moved into his new apartment, he had not seen his wife Helen. He could not imagine where she might be. She might come through the door at any time. Day after day he waited and wondered. He left notes for her, in case she returned, while he was out, but to no avail.
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Today at d’verse, Lillian is guiding our Prosery. Prosery is where we take a given line from a poem and incorporate that line into a prose piece of only 144 words. Today she asked us to include the line: “Reading what I have just written, I now believe” taken from Louise Gluck’s Faithful and Virtuous Night and her poem Afterwards.
I decided to write my piece about the emotions and feelings of one with Alzheimer’s disease. Eight years ago my father-in-law had to be confined to a care facility in the weeks following Christmas. Although he seemed to adjust well to his new environment, not being with his wife was very traumatic for him. This is a glimpse of that time. Although we took him to see her, he did not remember after he was back at his residence.
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Photo: Dwight L. Roth
You’ve written eloquently about the plight of those with this insidious disease. This stage of the disease you write in here, the person still “knows” their loved one….but does not remember she has been there even though perhaps, she has just left. As the disease progresses, the person can also look at the “visitor” and still be expecting the loved one, not recognizing the “visitor” is the loved one. It is such a tough tough disease to maneuver through — both the the individual suffering from the disease in its early days and really, until they have no memory whatsoever of others; and for the loved ones who must watch in horror.
Thank you for writing about this.
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Thank you so much Lillian, for your great thoughtful response. This is always a very emotional memory for me.
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Very well said, Lillian, such an insidious, cruel disease.
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Oh god, this breaks my heart so much. You write this with grace and beauty, allowing the perspective of what one can go through with Alzheimer’s. It’s also quite stirring and extremely well written.
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Thank you Lucy! It is a very traumatic time ideed! I appreciate your kind words.
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you are able to convey his confused state of mind so well Dwight … it obviously left a deep impression on you
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Yes, very deep! Thank you Kate!
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😦
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Such a sad and painful disease. My mother died from it. I think your story captures the confusion and sadness so well, Dwight! All the best! ❤
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Thank you Cheryl. This time of year always brings those memories back!
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I’m so sorry to hear that, Cheryl.
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My father-in-law died on Christmas Eve. He had been in a terrible car accident, and it brought on dementia. He was a minister and teacher, and a former Marine Medic on Okinowa during WWII.His outfit had 90% casualties.Your poem sparks my memories of him and his tragic demise in a Retirement facility.
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Thank you Glenn for your sharing thoughtful response! It is very sad to see the way some decline. The blank lostness of a blank mind is so hard to see happening. I believe much of it is the result of genetics.
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My heart goes out to you and your family, Glenn.
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Very difficult circumstances.
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Yes it was very difficult to see!
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This touched my heart and left me in tears. My mother had Alzheimer’s, and after my father was gone she did not remember the funeral and was convinced that he left with “some guys” and would be back. I showed her the obituary clipping, we drove past the cemetery and she saw the headstone, but still she was convinced he’d be back with “those guys” any day. It was such a painful time. You penned it beautifully.
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It is so very sad to see in real time! Still sad to reflect on it. I can understand your pain as well! Thank you for sharing our thoughtful heartfelt comment.
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That is such a heartbreaking memory, Beverly.
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I watched my mother-in-law forget her husband. He was devastated to have been forgotten but he took such sweet care of her. What a cruel disease.
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Yes it really is a cruel disease! Very sad to see. Thank you for your comment.
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What a wonderful piece of text Dwight. It’s not easy to write meaningful and with compassion about Alzheimer or any harsh dissease. Reading the above comments a lot of people have seen the devastating effects of Alzheimer. My beloved aunt suffered from it. Maybe when the blinds of social correctness are up one gets to see the true person. In the beginning of the illness my aunt cooked enorrmous portions of food, being left everywhere in her house, getting stale of course. When asked why, she said: We got asylum seekers in our village nowadays. If they are in need of food, I can feed them. Later she only was sad and later still she just was silent.
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Thank you Peter for your caring comment. It seems every case is different. Some are more affected than others. He knew who we were and enjoyed the visits almost until his time of death. It is very sad to see them decline so drastically. Thank you so much for you kind response and for sharing your experience as well!
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This is very touching, and sad. To have cultivated those lifelong memories only to have a fog invade them every now and then it’s just not fair to ones lifetime, but sadly it can happen.
You have conveyed it very clearly, shows how helpful we still are in hands of fate.
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We never know how our end of life will turn out. I believe it is very important to still be there for them even if they don’t remember later. They do enjoy the visits at the time and that is what counts. Thank you for your kind response!
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I fully agree with the importance of supporting them, and take heart from the fact that they do enjoy those moments. That is truely the best we can and should do. Thanks Dwight.
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Yes!
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Oh Dwight that was an honest painful story that truly depicts so well the sadness of Alzheirmer disease. That is a tough rough to hoe and I’m sorry your father in laqw had to go through this. ❤️ .
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He died in 2018 so he only lasted a little over five years in the Alzheimer’s unit! He was well cared for while he was there.
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You can feel good he was so well cared for and it didn’t go on forever!!! 💕
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Yes it was a blessing.
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💕
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Alzheimer’s disease is such a sad thing to deal with. My mom had it, didn’t know my dad passed away. She lingered on for four more years.
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Yes very sad indeed! Thank you Miriam for you comment!
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You’re welcome, Dwight!
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Thanks for adding the notes, This is indeed a heartbreaking situation. Hoping that your writing can east the pain
Stay Safe
Much❤love
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It does help to write about it from time to time!
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This sends chills down my spine, Dwight.
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Thanks David. It is a very sad way to come to the end of life!
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A heartbreaking tale, and a heartbreaking experience to live through, to lose someone in this way. My grandma had vascular dementia but it was very slow acting so we did not lose her completely before she died, and I’m grateful for this.
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It is very heartbreaking to see. I am glad you grandma was able to retain her memory till the end.
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I remember my mother continually asking for both my father and her own mother. It us heartbreaking, and you have captured it well. (K)
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Yes, it is so sad to see them struggling! Thank you!
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Oh this is so moving 😦 I am experiencing this with my father at the moment. He’s in the initial stage of Alzheimer.
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Thank you! So sorry to hear about your father!
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I’m so sorry to hear that.
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I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like for people in that situation. To be completely lost, even to themselves. Written with feeling, Dwight.
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An eloquent reflection on facing such a debilitating disease, Dwight.
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Well done, Dwight.My grandmother lived with us for years and then lived with us for even more years even though she wasn’t really sure who we were.
You capture that ambiguity well here. Congrats.
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The mind of one with Alzheimer’s is a fragile place. I work with them and the wind can change direction at any moment. You captured this well, though he will not believe the same in 5 minutes.
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That is exactly how it seems to work! Thank you for sharing your great response!
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This brief story is so sad, even sadder to know the number of families it affects. My dad lost his short-term memory as the result of brain damage after heart failure. We made the wrong decision.
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Thanks for sharing this Liz. Sometimes staying alive at all cost is not the best option!
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It doesn’t help that medicine is not an exact science.
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Very true!
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That confusion I remember with my mother as well before she got worse… I almost feel like it was less painful when all was lost.
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So very sad for you and your loss!
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