This is an abridged version of my poem, Black Holes in the Brain, showing the effects of Alzhiemer’s disease on a person. During the stressful transition from independent living to confined living the confusion for my father-in-law was greatly increased. I posted his Wandering/Wonderings earlier this week.
Bjorn from d’Verse~Poets Pub asked us to consider the use of punctuation in poetry. It helps shoe line breaks and increases flow for the reader. This one is full of punctuation. It was written four years ago after working through this difficult transition.
Black Holes In My Brain
“I have come to discover that I now have black holes in my brain.
Spaces of emptiness that never get filled.
Like the holes in my pants pocket the memories slip out…”
“Oh, you are here? Well I didn’t realize! When did you get here?
You have been here a few weeks? Well I didn’t remember.
Tell me something I should know…
What shall we talk about…”
“Can I do something for you… do you need a light on?
Would you like to watch the News if I turn it on?
Do you want me to set the table for breakfast?
Can I help you in some way?
Would you like a piece of chocolate? Go ahead have one!”
“Is this Sunday? Are we going to church today?
Where is Mother & when is she coming home?
She won’t be coming back home? Oh my!
These are things I should remember.
When will we go to see here again? Can we go today?
We were there today?
Why can’t I remember? Were we just there today?!”
“I remember my grandfather was just like this.
He would apologize for his memory all the time.
I hope I never get that way.”
“By the way, where is Mother?
********************************************
Photo: Dwight L. Roth
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Note: This evening, after this had posted, we got word that he had died.
Roth Poetry 
My grandfather was like this too, asking and repeating himself all the time. I can imagine this with all the questions. Hopefully if we are keep being active, we can avoid having the same fate.
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Thanks Grace, I hope you are write!! Keep righting poetry!
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My mother had dementia. I take care of people who have Alzheimer’s. I fear it. We think active is the answer. Some were very active, so that is not the whole of it.
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More likely it is the genes that determine the end of life.
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You’ve written compassionately about a heartbreaking situation.
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Thank you Jo. It was a very deeply emotional time for all of us.
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I understand all so well. I lost my dear mother in 2003 to Alzhiemer Disease. I wrote a post last year about it. But mother kept her humor and was actually laughing when she passed.
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Yes, the same is true with him. He still like to laugh and joke around at times.
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You really took us there with this poem. It was a very heartfelt and compassionate description of what families go through with this dreadful disease. Thanks for sharing.
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You are welcome. It is a difficult journey.
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Very black holes. I think we all fear it. I always wondered how things looked from inside my mother’s eyes and mind…it didn’t seem to be the same person, but if now, where was she? A mystery. (K)
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I think the mind goes blank. Thanks for sharing your comment.
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The twists and turns of this poem reminded me of the book Still Aluce. This disease is cruel. Sigh.
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Yes, it can be very difficult. Thanks for reading.
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You’re welcome, Dwight!
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Reblogged this on Reena Saxena.
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Thank you Reena!
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Such a deeply felt poem Dwight and how could it not be. To see a loved ones suffer this way must be so very heard. I haven’t had someone close to me go through this but have seen and visited with near friends.
The worst is you don’t know how much the afflicted person knows.
Bless you and yours
Miriam
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Thank you Miriam. No one really knows how much they know or remember. This really expresses how it really is to experience this.
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I remember my mother moments time after time…thanks for sharing difficult times.
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You are welcome.
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I am so sorry for your loss, Dwight. I remember the original version of this poem and I can see how it has been transformed with punctuation.
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Thank you Kim. I am glad your recognized it. It is difficult to lose a parent, but at least he won’t have to live in any more confusion.
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I like how you used “black holes” and “holes in my pants pocket” as a way to describe how this situation might feel like.
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I remember losing coins through holes in my pants pocket. It works well to describe this. Thanks you for reading.
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This is one of our biggest fears, that ‘black hole’ that many of us are going to fall into. My husband’s aunt is falling. From simple forgetfulness a few years ago she’s now at the stage of lying in bed all day staring at the ceiling.
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Very sad and scary indeed!
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It can happen to any of us too.
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Sorry for your loss. It is so painful to see a loved one in pain and pity.
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Yes, very difficult!
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This is an amazing read, and so intense.
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Thank you. That is exactly how it was word for word!
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I Can try to imagine that…. Though have only heard about people in such situation & you have to constantly remind them of familiar faces and all
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My mother was like this… really those ellipses and questions… also the way she repeated the same story over and over. Then it became worse. I think the use of the right punctuation marks here made it work perfectly.
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Thank Bjorn. My favorite of all are the // . They work so well to break the flow!
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Sorry for your loss. You have painted a picture here that will be recognizable for anyone who has dealt with a family member living with memory loss.
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Thanks you so much. Yes, it is all too familiar.
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I like how you end this with a question – as if, some questions are not worth revisiting – better left unanswered.
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It was such a common question for a long time there after.
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So sad.
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I’m so sorry for your loss, Dwight. I know this was difficult to live through. I think it must be awful to be aware that something is wrong, but not quite knowing. The black hole/hole in the pants pocket is great description.
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Thank you Merril for your kind comments. It really must be a frustrating thing. He is better off now with no more wandering or wondering about what is happening.
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As difficult as this is to read, it must be more so for you and family to face every day. I wish I could send you strength and a strong heart, but life just doesn’t work that way. I will keep you in my thoughts.
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Thank you for your compassionate words. After I posted this we got word that he died last evening. No more suffering or confusion. We are grateful and sad.
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Aaah, bless.
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His darkness has now turned to light. And if what I’ve heard is true, Mother was there to meet him on the Other Side. May you and your family find consolation in your loss ❤
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Thank you Rosaliene for you kind words. Yes Mother is there as well. A joyous reunion.
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So sorry for your loss. This poem frames it well with humor and love.
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Thank you Bekkie. I appreciate your kind words.
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So sad. This bought back memories of my father and his dementia. It is such a cruel disease.
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Yes it is!
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My sincere sympathy to you and your wife in your loss, Dwight. My mother-in-law passed away after living 8 years with Alzheimers.
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Thank you. You know well what it is like. We are thankful that he does not have to suffer any longer and that he is reunited with his wife.
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No more wandering, wondering…
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Prayers for peace for you and your family.
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Thank you so much Charley! I appreciate your concern.
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Another incarnational witness, Dwight. So sorry for your loss.
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Thanks Frank. I appreciate you affirmation…
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I can only imagine how many challenges you’ve been through and I know anything went easy. So sorry for your loss. -All kind of difficult moments should be sharing in many ways in order to keep our self together and see clearly our future. There is always a good thing in a negative situation, because after all as a human being we are a good person and we know how to love and take care of others.- I’m sure you did your best for your family!
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Thank you so much for your kind words. It will take awhile, but we will work through it all and it will be ok in the end.
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