Fading Shades of Gray (a Hai bun)
Watching my father-in-law’s mind fade from shades of gray to black evoked a lot of emotion. It became noticeable to my wife and me when we visited her parents in 2009. Driving us across Edmonton to the Science Center, he got mixed up and forgot how to get there. Apparently this happened before, because Mother had written the directions for him on index cards. Later she told us that one day he came out to the parking deck, after volunteering at the hospital and could not find his car. She kept tabs on him until 2012 when she developed a brain tumor.
Giving up his keys and driving privileges it was very hard on him, but the hardest thing for him to understand was when they were in separate care facilities. He would ask about her over and over, and could not quite comprehend what was happening. After she died, he kept expecting her to return. He is now 90 and seems to have adjusted to his confinement, even telling friends who visit that they should try to get a room there as well. He tells them that they take good care of him there.
Winter brain cells fade
Short term mem’ry turns to black
“Helen, Where are you?”
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Photo: Dwight L. Roth
Bjorn, at d’Verse~Poetry Pub asked us to write a Hai bun using the word gray. I chose to write on the graying effects of Alzheimer’s on the brain.
Visit us at: https://dversepoets.com/
Bittersweet…
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Yes, very much so… Thank you.
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May God heal your grandfather in the Mighty Name of Jesus! He will be in my prayers! Thank so much for sharing this! God bless and keep you strong through it all! Much love! Xxoo
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Thank you for your kind and compassionate words and prayers. He is doing pretty well at this point.
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You’re welcome much! No problem at all🙏…Bless God for that!
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This is so tender and sad, the reality of aging is one we all will face.
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Thank you so much!
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The love is so potent when shared most of your life with that person. I cannot imagine the hurt and the confusion your father in law must have gone through even to this day of his wife not being there with him. He is blessed to have you two.
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Thank you Amaya! They had a long and rewarding life together. I appreciate your kind comment.
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“Helen, where are you”…. oh, that just got to me.
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Yes… it was very sad to see his grief and loss and not know what happened or why.
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The separation in those different care facilities must have been hard.
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Yes it was a very challenging time. She died nine months later.
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OMG! That haiku! Lovely mother, loving father.
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Thanks Nan, The had a great life together.
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As I get older I wonder if I will go down that path too. Especially because I’m forgetting more and moving slower. I hope you both are making positive steps down this familiar road.
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I guess we all think about that possibility as we grow older. Keep writing and you will stay sharp!!
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That haiku really explains how distraught he really must be. Send him our love will you?
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Seems to be an epidemic. So hard when no one understands. I will pray for them both. Hard on all.
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Thank you so much for your comment. It is hard to see our loved ones decline!
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This is so sad, Dwight, and you do sadness very well, with a light touch. I hope your father-in-law continues to fade peacefully.
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Thanks Jane!
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🙂
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This so touched my heartstrings. I watched my mother’s memory fade to black. It is such heartbreak to lose someone while they are still living. Some call it the long goodbye. Well named, I think.
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Very well named… it has now been five years.
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Heartbreaking that they were separated at all. Well written poem with a deep sense of tenderness.
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Thank you Paul…
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This haibun made my breath catch in my throat. We always want our loved ones to be with us till the end. All my best wishes to your father in- law.
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Thank You Vivian! He is doing as well as he can at this point.
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Thank goodness.
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This is heartbreaking… my mother has faded like that… I do remember how we had to take the car from her… but at last we had to have her taken into care… now she cannot talk, and she cannot move.
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How very sad I am sorry for you. It is difficult to know what is best in many circumstances. Thanks for your comment!
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This haiku proves that sometimes a few words can say an awful lot. Thanks for sharing, and blessings to you, your wife, and father-in-law.
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Yes, thank you so much for your compassionate response.
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So sad. 😦
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Yes it is…
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This was so beautifully written Dwight. I see that with my mother sometimes, the forgetfulness and confusion. The part about him asking about her really broke my heart.
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I went through the same thing with my parents. My mother was always waiting for my father to return. You’ve captured the mixed emotions well. (K)
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Thank you. You know how emotional this can be for everyone.
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Oh yes. I’m sorriest that my younger daughter never really knew her grandmother as the vibrant woman she was.
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My great-grandmother is losing her memory, but she is in Mexico so I don’t see her much… I never really knew what she was like before she started losing it. 😦
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Do you ever get to see her?
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I did when we used to visit Mexico often, but that was when I was a baby. The only time I remember seeing her was last year in April, but besides that, no…
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Sad that you don’t get to see her!
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I don’t remember her when she was…. her, so it’s easier for me, and it also helps that we live in different countries. 🙂
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