Co-dependence can be very destructive to relationships. In marriage, when one partner expects their partner to fit into their plans and their schedule, it isn’t long before tension and conflicts develop. For the co-dependent partner it is a major paradigm shift to learn to live with, but somewhat independent of the other person. Today at d’Verse, Amaya is asking us to write a Pentimento poem, which derives from the Italian meaning for repentance. It is to show how one can change their way of thinking in a way that makes life more positive for all. This is my story.
Paradigm Shift
Committed for life// together we stood
Taking our vows that day
Smiles on our face // stars in our eyes
When opposites commit, fire sometimes flies.
One holds on the other wants space
A head on collision in the race
Trains not always riding on the same tracks
Co-dependence can be overwhelming
I thought togetherness meant doing everything together
I learned independence is sometimes better
Struggling // I pushed off on my own
Not always expecting reciprocation.
Creativity emerged I had not expected
Life is much better now that I’ve reflected
Togetherness may mean riding parallel tracks
Commitment may mean traveling in the same direction…
Leaving co-dependence behind…
Maintaining each ones identity and self-worth
Photos: Dwight L. Roth
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Roth Poetry 
A wonderful point of view. We can move forward together yet be on different roads. We still wind up together, jump over to each other’s path, then make our way down our own path again.
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Yes, that is the way it works. Less pressure to conform.
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Thanks for your comment!
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Travelling together parallel. Yes, sometimes we find our creativity and voice. Co-dependence is not good. Everyone needs their own space. Beautiful poem!
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I like the unexpected creativity expressed in the second part.
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That’s so true Dwight. Being true to yourself avoids co-dependence altogether. I’m willing to put up with just about anything sometimes just for the sake of imagined peace. You have learned well
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Thank you Walter. It was not an easy shift for me. But it is working so what can I say?
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Might as well be on the same track, right? Maybe not always in the same car though! 🙂
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Or maybe switching tracks from time to time to hook up!
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That works! 🙂
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I’m learning a lot from you all tonight. You know I always appreciate when you share your wisdom about your marriage. Reading this now in the light of my own young marriage makes me think that we do need to make some changes. I just awoke from a dream that was telling me the same thing, too. We’ve let our individual identities become so blurred, mixed like a kid’s finger-painting, that it would be difficult to ‘separate the colors’ for a sense of harmony. Oh, how messy it all can be! Your photography with this one really reinforce the sense of beauty and color integrity and harmonization.
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Thank you Amaya! It is not easy to unmesh personalities. With kids at home it is almost impossible. The reality hit when the nest become empty. It helps to have a counselor who understands. For many the only way to be “free” is to separate, but with work and commitment you can be individuals together and still love each other. I think we would have benefited from a family counselor early in our marriage. Wishing you the best in your marriage and family relationship.
Dwight
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Thank you:)
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Such insight! You can only write this if you’ve lived it and I couldn’t agree more.
My takeway…” Commitment may mean traveling in the same direction…”
Perfect.
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Yes, been there and done that…and still together 48 years later.
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Chapeau!
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maintaining each ones identity and self worth, these were the most powerful words in the poem, respect for the other and our self makes the relationship work but we can’t have that unless we recognise each others self worth. beautifully written advice for those wanting to work towards a good relationship.
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Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes it is had to get past egos and needs. It is so easy to micromanage what the other person is doing and think you know better. My worst offense was the phrase, “You should…” instead of saying, “I think… what do you think…”
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haha I like that statement micro manage what the other person is doing! i have been more than micro managed I think back, at times feels like I was steamrolled into a choice. Love your no nonsense expressions Dwight!
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Thank you! Some relationships just do not work for various reasons.
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That is cool! I love the pictures. 🙂
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Thanks fro reading and for your comments.
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No problem! I love to read other people’s blogs. 🙂
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Oh, sorry I thought you were talking to me…. It showed up as if it was to me… 😦
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??
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When you said “thank you for your comments” the notification looked like you were replying to me, but then on my blog, it looked like you were telling someone else, so I apologized in case it wasn’t towards me… 🙂
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No problem… at my age anything can happen…
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🙂
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What a beautiful piece. Thank you for such wonderful insight.
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Thank you so much. I appreciate all your comments.
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I think we need both parts… part symbiosis part independence… this is a life’s lesson and very well put with the parallel tracks.
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I was thinking the same thing after I had posted the poem We would probably be better off with Symbiosis . An there is nothing to keep us from switching back and forth from time to time riding the rails together!! Thanks for your input.
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Trees don’t grow so well in each other’s shade. This is so well penned.
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Thank You Paul! I take that as a great compliment. Your affirmation is appreciated!!
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Relationships are hard work…(K)
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yes, they take work!
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A beautiful poem! Great insights.
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Thank you!
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You’ve written of profound truths here. I’ve always thought of marriage/commitment in this way.
My spouse and I are a pair of scissors….we are connected at the heart…we can be moved together, like a closed scissors, as a whole…a viable entity together. But, at another time, bolted together still at the heart, we can move apart from each other and be a single blade, still attached at the middle. Does that make sense? Two blades entwined, but able to move apart as well. 🙂
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I love it Lillian! What a great comparison. I will have to put this concept in my file. It would make great inspiration for a poem or two. The attachment of the heart also includes the family and anyone who messes with them will get cut by two sharp blades!! Wonderful!
Dwight
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