Paradigm Shift


Co-dependence can be very destructive to relationships. In marriage, when one partner expects their partner to fit into their plans and their schedule, it isn’t long before tension and conflicts develop. For the co-dependent partner it is a major paradigm shift to learn to live with, but somewhat independent of the other person. Today at d’Verse, Amaya is asking us to write a Pentimento poem, which derives from the Italian meaning  for repentance. It is to show how one can change their way of thinking in a way that makes life more positive for all. This is my story.

Paradigm Shift

Committed for life// together we stood

Taking our vows that day

Smiles on our face // stars in our eyes

When opposites commit,  fire sometimes flies.

One holds on the other wants space

A head on collision in the race

Trains not always riding on the same tracks


Co-dependence can be overwhelming

I thought togetherness meant doing everything together

I learned independence is sometimes better

Struggling // I pushed off on my own

Not always expecting reciprocation.

Creativity emerged I had not expected


Life is much better now that I’ve reflected

Togetherness may mean riding parallel tracks

Commitment may mean traveling in the same direction…

Leaving co-dependence behind…

Maintaining each ones identity and self-worth


Photos: Dwight L. Roth

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40 thoughts on “Paradigm Shift

  1. I’m learning a lot from you all tonight. You know I always appreciate when you share your wisdom about your marriage. Reading this now in the light of my own young marriage makes me think that we do need to make some changes. I just awoke from a dream that was telling me the same thing, too. We’ve let our individual identities become so blurred, mixed like a kid’s finger-painting, that it would be difficult to ‘separate the colors’ for a sense of harmony. Oh, how messy it all can be! Your photography with this one really reinforce the sense of beauty and color integrity and harmonization.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Amaya! It is not easy to unmesh personalities. With kids at home it is almost impossible. The reality hit when the nest become empty. It helps to have a counselor who understands. For many the only way to be “free” is to separate, but with work and commitment you can be individuals together and still love each other. I think we would have benefited from a family counselor early in our marriage. Wishing you the best in your marriage and family relationship.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. maintaining each ones identity and self worth, these were the most powerful words in the poem, respect for the other and our self makes the relationship work but we can’t have that unless we recognise each others self worth. beautifully written advice for those wanting to work towards a good relationship.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I was thinking the same thing after I had posted the poem We would probably be better off with Symbiosis . An there is nothing to keep us from switching back and forth from time to time riding the rails together!! Thanks for your input.


  3. You’ve written of profound truths here. I’ve always thought of marriage/commitment in this way.
    My spouse and I are a pair of scissors….we are connected at the heart…we can be moved together, like a closed scissors, as a whole…a viable entity together. But, at another time, bolted together still at the heart, we can move apart from each other and be a single blade, still attached at the middle. Does that make sense? Two blades entwined, but able to move apart as well. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I love it Lillian! What a great comparison. I will have to put this concept in my file. It would make great inspiration for a poem or two. The attachment of the heart also includes the family and anyone who messes with them will get cut by two sharp blades!! Wonderful!


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